To those who have been hurt

Hello everyone!

Well, it certainly has been a while, hasn’t it, my friends? Schoolwork weighed me down quite a bit this semester, and to be honest, I haven’t had much inspiration to write. My life has been going swimmingly, if you were wondering.

Today, I wanted to reflect on the idea of “Forever.” Right now, I am in the midst of finals (so yes, I am procrastinating just by writing this), and I am listening to music while studying. I came across the song “Forever,” by Lewis Capaldi. It is a heart-wrenching song addressed to a former lover. It struck home when I first heard it, and that was before I saw my friend’s post. I would suggest taking a listen before you read the rest of the post (although, it isn’t necessary in order to understand the message).

The idea that these finals will end is the only thing getting me through this week. However, recently, an acquaintance of mine recently posted about being betrayed. It reminded me of the times I have been betrayed by those who I have been friends with in the past. I am grateful that God helped me heal from those wounds, and I am absolutely empathetic to my friend. I know exactly what she is going through. She is strong and relies on her faith, and I am grateful to say that God gave me the grace to be the same way when I was betrayed.

The shock, embarrassment, and rage that you feel when you realize someone has betrayed you is absolutely devastating. Because I have healed, I am able to talk about these experiences, but I acknowledge that there is still potential for me to experience this in the future, although I really hope I don’t. And I know you’re thinking, Okay, great, but what exactly did this lady go through? Well, dear reader, I can divulge a small bit about the people who have betrayed me, but I fear coming across as bitter, if I am being honest. However, I can provide a short timeline with brief explanations.

1. Senior year of high school – As per usual, there was a lot of drama that happened my Senior year of high school. It was mostly surrounding our Senior Trip to Disneyworld. It doesn’t even matter anymore what happened, but I did want to put this on the timeline because this marked the beginning of the rocky road.
2. Spring Semester Freshman Year of College – Again, nothing too out of the ordinary…I had a boyfriend, he told me loved me, and then he cheated. It truly is a tale as old as time. However, that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt like heck. It freaking hurts. This took longer to heal than my high school drama, for obvious reasons.
3. Fall Semester Freshman Year of College – Now, chronologically, this should go before the above point, but I just found out recently about it, so that’s why I am doing it this way. Basically, a trusted, new college friend disclosed a secret I had told her in confidence. It’s not a big deal now, but this revelation was told to me by the person who received the said secret. I was angry, but not surprised. (Similar topic in this post: Faire Healthy Friends)
4. Senior Year October – Betrayed by my university in 2 ways. I can’t say much because I know that they would act punitively if I even so much as suggested what happened. I will wait until I graduate and write a separate post. The only thing you have to know is that this hurt more than the boy who cheated on me, and I lost 5 lbs within a week because of the distress and desolation I felt. Just dandy, right?

Now, dear friends, I could go on and on to list even more crosses I have had to bear, but that would be boring, petty, and destructive, as well as unproductive. “We can’t go back again” (Capaldi). The point is that it is so easy to think about the injustices we must suffer.

However, I can confidently say that these struggles have taught me to lean on Christ more and more. With each heartache, I ran to God and rested my head on His shoulder. He would comfort me and give me strength to endure whatever I was going through, and I know I could not have done it without him.

The point here is that nothing lasts forever, except God. When I would cry at the feet of Jesus, I remember hearing Him say that to rely on the things of this world is to walk into disappointment. If you only trust people to fulfill your desires, then you will be forever dissatisfied. When we put our full trust into anyone except God, then we will be betrayed. And it’s not because all people are bad. It’s not because all men are bad. It’s not because all women are bad. It’s because we, as humans, simply do not have the capacity to fully fulfill another’s wishes to the fullest extent. Heck, we don’t even have enough in us to fulfill our own desires, much less others. We are not obligated to fully fulfill another person. That is not what we are made to do.

It hurts to be betrayed. The heartache stings. It’s okay to allow yourself to feel these things when you are hurt. That is part of the human experience. Your Guardian Angel is there with you, watching. Maybe he doesn’t fully understand, but he knows his job of protecting you. Let him protect you while you speak to the Lord. Letting God heal you is a beautiful experience and deepens your relationship with Him. When you lay all of your troubles and worries in front of Him and give them to Him, that is when the healing begins. He loves you so much, and He does not want you to bear those burdens. Do you want to know why? Because they don’t last forever.

Only God lasts forever, and if we start to trust Him, we can find that what St. Thérèse Lisieux to be true: The world is thy ship, and not thy home. It always helps me to recall this truth to mind when I am in the midst of suffering. Everything in this world is temporary, so we need to love and cherish what is eternal, namely Love itself – God. Those who feel despair and fear when they think of Death still do not understand the eternal glory of the Kingdom of Heaven. And of course, it doesn’t make them bad people. But to St. Thérèse, she knows and teaches us that Death is not scary at all; in fact, it is the birth of a new life. That is why we must look to God as we are on earth. Only He can truly satisfy us.

Some might say that this whole post sounds naïve and idealistic. I would ask in return how those who don’t have this mindset deal with betrayal. Is is a spiral of self-pity? A spiral of despair and hopelessness? A growing bitterness towards the human race? A life surrounded by material things, which, by the way, are temporary? Being overdramatic just to dwell in negative feelings? All of these things are things I have felt, and I don’t know about you, but I did not enjoy sitting in these feelings. But hey, that’s just me.

In all seriousness, there is a peace to be found amidst suffering. It still is not enjoyable, but learning to lay sorrows down to Jesus and His Mother is the best way to heal. To give up the pain in favor of something peaceful is a respite and a blessing. We all suffer. Like I said at the beginning of the post, I am sure we can all sit down and count the ways that we have suffered. However, to know that these experiences are chances to grow closer to God almost makes me welcome them more. Surrendering those negative emotions and allowing God to work allows His Love to grow in you, and you will feel that change within yourself. And, dear reader, I am sure you know why I feel this way…because suffering doesn’t last forever if you trust in God.

 

Forever His,